So, yesterday I encountered a book about the feminine voice and how to let it out and strengthen it in the modern world. I found it while perusing the shelves of a bookstore close to where I am currently staying in Colorado. When I first saw it I was struck by the bright cover but otherwise thought “I’ll probably already know most of what this book says because I’m a lady and I have an Art History degree with an emphasis on modern feminist artwork *Harumph”. Oh how wrong I was.
I flipped through the entire thing while standing among the shelves. I was struck by how the simple exercises touched me and I actually realized how misogynistic my brain can be.
Not thirty minutes after reading through this work I was browsing the cookbook section nearby. A young, absurdly fit, military-lookin’ dude scooted by me in the aisle and took a seat on a nearby couch. I didn't feel at all like he was paying any attention to me but I did notice he was there and that I was right in his line of sight. I happened to see a cookbook that interested me very much, it was titled something like “Cooking for Hormone Balance”. Even though I was extremely interested in this cookbook - I had been feeling periodically insane lately and recently suggested to my doctor that I thought my hormones were out of whack, she agreed - I was too embarrassed to pick up the book. I suddenly felt silly and realized right then that this was my personal misogynist holding me back. My inner dialogue said something like: “Well I’M not going to be the hormonal girl in the bookstore. That's a stereotype! EW!” I was surprised to be so suddenly aware of how I was editing my wants, needs and experience because of my gender, “The Man” wasn't even around! I was doing this to myself. I would never see that military bro again and I wasn't even sure he was looking my way but I felt vulnerable (read: not perfect) by being a lady looking at a hormone balancing book.
While this experience kind of freaked me out and left me momentarily outside of myself, I am grateful it happened. This moment of awareness let me see my own misogyny and as they say “awareness is key”. I have been much more aware of what Michael Singer calls “the inner roommate”, that annoying voice that won’t shut up in your head while you are trying to enjoy your life. All in all I’m glad to have picked up the feminine voice book. This small, odd experience in a bookstore opened my eyes to how I can be kinder to myself and others everywhere. This may sound dorky but it’s true.
When is a time you have been put in a box because of your gender or gender identity? Did someone else put you there or did you put yourself there? I appreciate your comments.
